Kids Scare Me

“Don’t worry, it’s only Ballet 1.”

That was what the ballet mistress at my ballet studio told me when I asked her what I needed to know about assisting her children’s division class for the next semester. Any other person would hear that and relax, but I on the other hand got extremely nervous. If it was “only Ballet 1” then I would probably be expected to pick up everything quickly, but I was certain that I'd probably make enough mistakes for the ballet mistress to take back what she said.

If I had it my way, I’d probably hire a personal consultant that would answer all of the weird and stupid questions that most people wouldn’t even think of asking, without judging me. That way I’d know that I was completely prepared for whatever was thrown at me. Sadly, that isn’t possible, so I have to make do with casually asking some of my more experienced friends and hoping that they don’t realize how out of my depth I feel.

This feeling is actually sort of refreshing because I usually don’t leave my comfort zone when I’m at school. I stick to my introverted ways; I only spend time with people that I’m comfortable with, and I don’t try to initiate conversation with people if I don’t feel like it.

But this is completely different when I’m at my ballet studio. Even though Ballet 1 only teaches kids ages 6-10, I still get extremely stressed. I definitely wouldn’t say I’m an expert at all the nuances in ballet, but I’ve read all the technique books and watched all the videos to learn exactly what was right and what was wrong. So I usually don’t question the corrections that I give to the kids, but I always feel like I’m faking it. My brain keeps telling me, “fake it till you make it, fake it till you become it” (courtesy of a TED Talk about body language).

When I assist I’m supposed to help the kids out if they don’t know what they’re doing, and also to correct their placement. But most of the time I’m scared that I’m not helping enough or I’m making things worse. Am I supposed to stand at the corner and tell the kids when they should start shassé-ing across the floor or are they old enough to go by themselves? How loud do I talk? How friendly should I be with the kids?

When I was younger, I was extremely quiet and diligent, so I never realized that the children’s division was so much fun. I used to think that ballet class was supposed to be absolutely silent. That was just the thing about ballet; you weren’t supposed to talk. So now that I’m assisting, it’s weird to see how much fun the kids have in class.

It’s even harder considering how much little kids scare me. What do I even talk to them about? I know it should easy to talk to little kids, because they aren’t the least bit self-conscious and will talk with you about anything, but it still takes some courage on my part.

Now it’s been 9 months into assisting, and I feel sort of better. Sort of. I’d say that half of the time I know exactly what I should be doing. When I should be demonstrating, when I should be correcting, and when I should be helping the kids with figuring stuff out. But as soon as the teacher thanks the class, and the kids charge towards us to give the teacher and me hugs,  their little arms that barely reaching my waist tightly squeezing me makes it all worth it.